If You Couldn't Afford Surgery To Remove One Of Your Ribs So You Could Suck Your Own Dick, You Could Always Suck On This Brand New Marylin Manson Dildo Instead!

Loudwire- On The Golden Age of Grotesque, shock rocker Marilyn Manson penned the song “This Is the New Shit,” which contained the lyric, “And now it’s ‘You know who,’ I got the ‘You know what’ / I stick it ‘You know where,'” which is a perfect tag line for his latest merch item: the Marilyn Manson dildo.

Yes, it’s real, yes, it’s official and, yes, it’s for sale. “The Double Cross Marilyn Manson Dildo and Bag includes a soft, lifelike Marilyn Manson dildo and velvet double cross logo bag for easy and discreet storage,” reads a product description on Manson’s website. It also states, “Please note that the paint on Marilyn Manson’s face is environmentally safe. May fade with multiple uses.”

So here’s what I’m confused about as someone uneducated on themed dildos.

If you’re a chick (or dude) using this dildo on yourself, are you like…hmm. How do I word this?

Are you imagining that’s Marilyn Manson’s dick fucking you? I only ask because GENERALLY, I’d assume that’s a no brainer amongst such specificly branded dildos, but this one has a big ol’ Marilyn Manson face at the head of it. That muddies the waters tremendously, because how could that not make you think it may be intended for you to imagine that a very tiny version of Marilyn Manson is fucking you with his head. Just jumping in and out. Like a Barbie-sized Manson fuckin’ ya. And he’s in cosplay as the Stinger.

In the words of George W. Bush, “That’s some weird shit!”

P.S. $125 bucks?! Are all dildos that expensive?! That’s bananas! At least it comes with a handy (nice) carrying bag.